The Day The School Assembly Stood Still !
Do you
remember the daily assembly at school ?
Of course
you do.
I am also
sure that you will be quite familiar with the usual sequence of events
involved, the first segment is of course the prayer, then, there’s the pledge- “All
Indians are my brothers and sisters (to which many of my friends would say
under their breath-except one) etc etc and the last part where some poor kid
would be faced by the daunting task of reading the ‘thought’ for the day with
an accompanying short story, the news headlines, and the so called ‘special’
activity of the day.
These were
all tiny segments; a maximum of 5 minutes was given for each of them and on
most days they would go unnoticed, this was in part due to the schools antique sound
system which was probably stolen from a museum in ancient Germany.
The following
story is based on true events !
Raja Sahu
was a classmate of mine who appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the
academic session of 2001, he was a thin lanky boy who wore his full sleeved
navy blue sweater every single day come rain or shine, he was a very
intelligent student with a sound knowledge of history and geography, he kept a
safe distance from sports and seldom participated in extracurricular
activities.
During his
early days at school was asked to read the headlines for the day in the
assembly.
He didn't know that all he was supposed to do was to write the best 5 news stories on a piece of paper and read it aloud after the morning school pledge.
He didn't know that all he was supposed to do was to write the best 5 news stories on a piece of paper and read it aloud after the morning school pledge.
He shocked
the school by arriving on stage with the day’s newspaper instead and when he
held it up high the paper covered half of his body sparing only his forehead as
he read out article after article page after page.
He was never
invited on stage again.
That was
just the beginning of Raja Sahu’s misadventures.
Attendance
at the Morning Prayer session was compulsory, you were never allowed to bunk
unless you had a doctor’s note or a letter from your parents.
Following
the newspaper debacle Raja avoided the assembly, he was never short of an reason,he
always had documentation to substantiate his excuses and besides all this he
was a gem of an actor, he could cough, limp, fake a fever, cry and even vomit
at will, so no one really bothered him much, not till Monday the 10th
of August 2001.
I distinctly
remember the date because it was very close to Independence day and I had lost
my ‘Bharat scouts and guides’ hat meaning that I wasn’t allowed to stand at the
entrance to the school with the other scouts shouting ‘Aapka swagat hai x 3’
(You’re welcome three times), clapping like a baboon as the chief guests drove
into the school in their blue ambassador cars.
Big deal !
You may think, but at that age, especially for me, it was.
Saurabh was
in charge of the special event for the day and he had prepared a set of general
knowledge questions to ask to the rest of the school.
If I knew
how things were going to turn out that morning, I would have carried some popcorn in
my shirt pocket.
His
questions were simple enough, but little did he know that the school was full
of students who would rather rewrite history than come up with a correct
answer.
At that age,
for any question that started with a Who invented this or that? The answer we
gave by default was Thomas Edison.
It didn’t
matter if the thing invented was a light bulb, or a mixer grinder, Edison did it, Period.
In fact, my
close buddy Sunil was so convinced that Thomas Edison invented the refrigerator
that he picked up a stone to throw at Saurabh when he disagreed with him.
Ms. Usha the
physics teacher unceremoniously fainted when someone yelled out e=mc2 for a
question on Newton’s law of motion.
As half the
teachers ran to her aid, Saurabh started reading the last question in his set.
What’s the
capital of Zaire ?
No Answer.
"Anyone" ? He asked.
"Whats the
capital of Zaire"? He repeated himself.
Still no
answer.
Mrs. Banu
our social science teacher looked upset.
“Trick
question’ ! Sunil yelled out.
“There’s no country called Zaire”.
Mrs. Banu
sat down on the ground from fear of fainting like Ms.Usha.
That’s when
it got interesting.
“Kinshasa”. We
heard someone shout.
Everyone
looked around trying to figure out who it was making all the noise.
KINSHASA, KINSHASA,
KINSHASA!!!
It was Raja Sahu,
screaming at the top of his voice, waving his hands wildly from the classroom
window in the third floor.
“It’s
Kinshasa you idiots”. He exclaimed.
We watched
him bolt down the stairs in amazement totally dumbstruck by the sudden turn of events;
He was pulling on his hair like a madman in a mental asylum saying again and
again, Kinshasa is the capital of Zaire! Kinshasa is the capital of Zaire!
Just moments
ago when we asked him his reason for not getting ready for the assembly that
morning he had shown us a doctor’s note stating he was recovering from
pneumonia and needed complete bed rest, and yet here he was running around like
a elephant gone wild.
When he
finally arrived on the stage, there were nearly 500 pairs of eyes staring straight
at him, Mrs. Usha regained her consciousness, Mrs Banu’s mouth was wide open,
after all she was the one who had taught our class a week earlier about the DRC.
There was
silence.
His cover
was blown.
Only an
Oscar winning performance could save him now.
We waited to
see what he would say in his defense.
Did Saurabhs
quiz have the power to cure pneumonia ?
As expected
he spontaneously started coughing violently.
Mr. Shetty
the gym teacher picked up his cane and started walking toward him, as raja
fumbled to recover the note from his pants pocket.
That’s when
it happened.
The speakers
resounded with the sound of a donkey braying !
What?
Where did
the donkey come from?
We turned
our eyes to the mike only to find Harish, the head clerk of the school, singing.
On listening
carefully we realized the words were from ABBA’s classic-I have a dream.
There was so
much happening.
I didn’t
know what to look at, Raja Sahu’s awkward moment or Harish’s voice of India
audition.
Clearly Harish
was the winner, He murdered ABBA’s timeless classic without a hint of mercy, he
ripped its soul apart, singing every line in a different pitch and at a different
note, it was more gory than watching all of Frank millers graphic novels come to life at the same time (if
you have seen 300, this was like watching 900! If you know what I mean), our
English professor Mrs. Kuriakose laughed so hard that she fell off her chair, even
that wouldn’t stop Harish from singing, this was a performance of a lifetime.
He kept singing till the schools 18th century sound system couldn’t
take it any longer and gave up the fight with a loud jarring sound.
The School
till this day blames Harish for spoiling its sound system which was apparently
in ‘mint’ condition, and in the words of the principal ‘had a good 100 years of
service left in it’.
I blame
Harish for ABBA never reuniting again.
Mrs.
Kuriakose sprained her neck from the fall and walked around with a neck collar
for a 2 weeks , Raja Sahu never missed another day at the assembly, and Harish
transferred out to another school, the sound system was replaced by another one,
this ‘new’ set was probably stolen from a local scrap store, and all extra
programmes were removed from the daily school assembly schedule.
There’s a
small school close to where I live and whenever I am at home with a little time
to spare, I take a walk up there and stand watching as the children go through
the same routine as we followed in our school when I was a kid.
I must
admit, although I’m standing there trying to recapture a few memories from the
years gone by, some part of me is always waiting for 10th August
2001 to happen all over again.
As Always,
Yours Truly
TGV
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